Sad Eyes
by only-mj
Summary: "You're one of the strongest people I know. Why did you put up with this monster? Why didn't you just leave?" RizaXOC. Trigger Warning: Suicide, Self Abuse/Cutting, Sexual Assault, Rape, Emotional Abuse/Gaslighting. Rating for Triggers.


_**AN: If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help. A friend, a loved one, a therapist, anyone. There are resources out there for you. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help. It's okay to walk away from someone, especially if you do not feel safe. It's okay to ask for help.  
Take care of yourself first and foremost. Stay safe. Stay strong.  
You matter.  
You are important.  
And you deserve better.  
—MJ**_

* * *

"Hawkeye?" The Flame Alchemist blinked, surprised to see his subordinate at the office at such an hour. "You're here early." He noted, offering her a smile.

The usually unshakable woman jumped slightly, not expecting anyone to be there so soon. "I could say the same for you, Sir." She muttered, continuing her paperwork at her desk without looking up at the man.

Roy gave her a shrug, making his way to his desk at the far end of the room. "Just had some work I thought I'd get caught up on." He replied, taking his seat.

The two worked in silence for a while. Enjoying each others' quiet company. The silence between them was never awkward, as the two had known each other long enough to not bother themselves with trivial small talk.

Usually. Until Roy opened his mouth. "So. How are things going with you and Quinlan?" Riza froze, not daring to look up at her superior. The silence that followed could definitely be described as awkward. Roy picked up on the tension quickly, looking up from his papers. "Hawkeye?"

" _Please don't. Don't. DON'T!"_

"…Good, Sir." She finally replied quietly, not daring to look up from the form before her.

He gave her an incredulous look. "You alright, Lieutenant?" Roy asked, setting his pen down to watch her more carefully.

" _No! No!"  
_ " _Shhh… Hush now. Just trying to help you out, babe."_

She swallowed, shaking her head quickly as she tried to pick back up on her work. "Fine, Sir… Just…"

" _Why are you crying? It wasn't that bad, was it? Are-Are you alright?"  
_ " _I-I'd like to go… I'd like to go now… Please…"  
_ " _Wait! Riza. Wait!"_

Her eyes slid shut, rubbing her temples as her head began to hurt. "…Didn't get a lot of sleep last night…"

Roy's concerned face quickly turned into a wide grin. "Oh! So things _are_ going well for you two!" Her head snapped up as she gave him an incredulous look. "Well done, Lieutenant!" He chuckled to himself, as he teased her.

She quickly looked back down at her desk as her eyes began to sting. "Th-Thank you… Sir…" She muttered softly.

His smile quickly dropped back to a frown as he studied her. "You sure you're alright? Because if you're not, as your commanding officer, you have to tell me." He ordered, rising to his feet as he began to worry.

" _I'm sorry I hurt you…If you tell anyone… I-I don't know what I'd do…"_

She sighed, cursing how much he cared about his subordinates. "I'm fine, Sir. Just tired." Riza muttered. She set her pen down, annoyed when she felt his presence over her. "Please, Sir. I have a lot of work to d—"

"You know, you have the saddest look in your eyes for someone who just got laid, Riza."

Her head snapped up at his vulgar accusation. Wide brown eyes met concerned black. Her eyes burned. She wanted to open her mouth. Say something. Anything. She knew she could trust the man above her with her entire life, but another man's voice echoed in her head even louder.

" _If you tell anyone… I'll kill myself… I'd have to…"_

Riza let out a shaky breath, quickly turning away from the man. "I told you, Sir. I'm just tired."

Roy sighed, he could see he was going to get nowhere fast with the woman. "Well… If you're ever not…" He muttered, patting her on the shoulder before returning to his desk quietly.

The rest of the day was awkwardly tense between the normally close duo. No matter what he did or said, Roy could not figure out why the woman was so off and distant. Maybe he should not have pried so much into her personal affairs. Riza never seemed to ask him about his out of work relationships, perhaps she would prefer he do the same to her and her current boyfriend.

Their relationship had always been built on trust. Roy knew he would have to trust the woman until she asked for his help, but that did not mean he would have to like it.

—

"First one here, last one to leave?" Roy gave her a chuckle as he put on his coat at the end of the work day. "You've really been putting in the overtime lately, Lieutenant. It hasn't been going unnoticed, just so you know."

"I shouldn't be much longer…" Riza muttered.

He glanced over her shoulder as he walked by. "You're still filling out that expense report?" He blinked. "Do you need help?" He offered, knowing she knew how to fill out a simple expense report, but wondering why she was taking so long on it.

" _Why do you keep staying at the office so late? Do you not want to see me? Did I do something wrong?"_

Riza frowned. "I shouldn't be much longer." She repeated sternly.

"Oh. Well if you're almost done, do you need a ride home?" He offered kindly.

" _I don't trust Roy. I'm sorry. I know you and him are close. I just… I don't trust him. Do you think you could stop spending so much time with him? I dunno… You two are just so close… I wish you'd spend that kind of time with me…"_

She shook her head, forcing herself to give him a smile that he immediately saw through. "Quinlan is picking me up today. Thank you, though."

" _You're not… You're not seeing him are you? Behind my back? Why are you always with him? You can't leave me for him, babe. You're all I have left. I don't know what I'd do without you."_

"Actually. He's probably waiting for me." She realized, picking up her bag and shoving her half-done report into it. "I should go…" She jumped up, not wanting him to see her alone with Mustang so late. Unsure what he would do if he saw them together.

" _I need you… I-I love you, Riza…"_

"Wait! Lieutenant!"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sir." She muttered. "Have a good evening." She called out, rushing out of the room.

—

"Lieutenant? Are you alright? Where are you?"

Riza let out a shaky breath. "I-I'm fine, Sir. I apologize for not giving you more of a notice. But, I won't be at work today." She spoke rather quickly over the phone.

Roy blinked. "Is everything alright?" He asked seriously, turning his chair around away from the other subordinates in the office.

" _Why? Why did you do this to yourself?"  
_ " _I… I don't know… I didn't know what else to do… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… Would you help me? Please?"_

"Y-Yessir. Everything is fine. Just… Feeling under the weather this morning…" She hated lying to The Colonel. The guilt made her head hurt as she could hardly believe she was saying these things to him. "I'll be in as soon as I can…"

" _There's a lot of blood… I think we should take you to the hospital. Come on."  
_ " _No! No! Riza you can't! Please! Please… Can't you just bandage me up? Please? I can't go to the hospital. I can't. They'll think I'm crazy…"_

Roy did not say anything for a moment. Something definitely sounded off about the woman. He could not quite place her tone, and it made him nervous. If had learned anything though, it was not to pry."Very well. Get some rest." He sighed, hanging up the phone before she could say anything else.

Riza slowly hung up the phone, surprised that he hand hung up so abruptly. Was he angry with her? He should be angry with her. Her eyes stung as she found herself crying on the couch. She wanted him angry with her. Then he would leave her alone. Not knowing what else to do, she buried her face in her hands.

" _You can't keep doing this, Quinlan. I can't… I can't stay with you if you're going to hurt yourself…"  
_ " _If you leave me I'll kill myself! I can't handle losing you! You're the greatest thing I have! Please! Just help me! I won't do it again! I promise! Just don't leave me, Riza!"_

"Riza? Are you still here?" She heard His voice from the other room. "Could you come here, please?" He asked kindly as she began to sob harder.

—

"S-Sir?"

"Riza?" Roy's eyes narrowed, surprised to be hearing from her so late. "Are you alright?" He asked concerned.

" _It hurts. Please. Please stop."  
_ " _Shhh. You're okay. I know you like it like that."  
_ " _No. Stop!"_

She looked around the glass walls of the pay phone, making sure she had not been followed. "I-I…" She swallowed, telling herself she would not cry. Not in front of him. "Roy, I… I'm sorry to call you so late… While you're at home…"

"Riza? What's going on?" He asked seriously, sitting up straighter on his couch as he could hear the distress in her voice.

" _You-You're bleeding… I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… I-I-Let me help you clean up…"_

"I…" She let out a sigh as she could not hold her tears back anymore. Her body ached, and was exhausted. She leaned up against the walls of the phone booth. Every move she made hurt worse as she cried over the phone.

She did not hear anything on the other end. She was scared. So scared that he had hung up on her. After all the distance she had put between them, she figured she deserved this. Riza wiped her eyes, trying to stop the tears as she decided that she was too far from saving.

She moved to hang up the phone when she heard her best friend's voice on the other end. "Where are you?"

Riza jumped slightly, startled by how angry he sounded. She immediately pulled the phone back up to her face. "I-I umm…" She quickly looked around, heart pounding in her chest so hard her head throbbed. "Payphone…" She answered, knowing better than to deny Roy what he wanted when he spoke with that tone. "Independence, and… MacArthur…" She squinted, trying to catch the street signs around her. "Roy I—"

"Stay. There." He spoke seriously, shouldering the phone so he could slip on his boots while he spoke to her. "You stay in the phone booth. Do not go anywhere. Do not talk to anyone but me, okay? I am on my way. Will you be alright?" He gave these orders just as clearly and confidently as he would give any other order, even though his insides were wrecked at the thought of what could have happened to her.

" _Riza? Are you okay?"  
_ " _Yeah… Yeah… I'm going to go for a walk, okay?"  
_ " _Can I come with you?"  
_ " _I'd…I'd really like to be alone right now."  
_ " _Don't go! Don't go! Please! If you leave I'll—"_

—

"Start talking." Roy snapped once he was sure she was safe in his car. "Are you hurt?" She paused before nodding quietly. She was so tired his anger hardly phased her. She rested her head on the window of the car, closing her eyes as he sped off. "Who hurt you?" He asked, periodically glancing over to her. He desperately needed someone to direct his anger towards. She did not say anything, afraid of what would happen once she said His name. "Riza?" She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes once more. "Riza!" He yelled, loud enough to startle her, causing her sobs to become more vocal. "Was it Quinlan? Did he hurt you?" She slowly nodded, raising her hand up to cover her eyes. Her sleeve fell down slightly at the movement. When Roy glanced over to her this time, he caught sight of a forming bruise on her wrist. Black eyes widened as he slammed on the breaks. "Where is he?" He asked, blood boiling as she quickly tugged at her sleeves, finally turning to look at him.

"Roy. Wait—"

"I'm not fucking around, Riza. That was an order. Tell me where he is." He snapped, slipping his gloves on quickly.

She reached out, resting her hand carefully on his arm. "Roy. I need you to take me to a hospital. Now. I will tell you everything after I know I'm okay." She spoke carefully, voice cracking as she admitted she was worse off than she was letting on. "Please."

He let out a sigh, resting his hand over hers for a moment while he let himself cool off. "Okay…" He finally said with a small nod. "Okay…"

—

"How are you feeling?" Roy asked when he was finally allowed to see her.

Riza nodded carefully. "I should be well enough to leave tomorrow. Doctor said there shouldn't be any permanent damage to my body. And he gave me the number for a therapist he wants me to see when I get released."

Roy sat down by her bed side, carefully taking one of her hands with his own. "That's… That's good to hear…" He muttered, feeling relieved that she seemed to be doing better. There was a silence between them as he gave her hand a squeeze. He was so relieved that she was out of His house. So relieved that she was recovering. He had to stop himself from thinking of what would have happened had she not called him. "How long had this been going on? Why didn't you tell me?" He asked seriously, keeping his eyes fixed on their hands. "You're one of the strongest people I know. Why did you put up with this monster? Why didn't you just leave?" He couldn't stop all the questions he had from spilling out of his mouth.

She shook her head, also looking down at where their intwined hands sat on her lap. Why didn't she leave? She had been given ample opportunities to tell the Colonel what was going on. So, why did she wait for things to get this bad? "I… I was scared…" She admitted quietly. "I… I didn't want him to hurt himself…" Tears pricked at her eyes once more and she wondered if her eyes would ever stop burning. "He always… He always threatened to… He said if I left, or told anyone… He'd hurt himself… I… I couldn't… I couldn't risk having his blood on my hands…" It sounded so ridiculous as she spoke his threats out loud. But at the time, his threats had been so real. She knew she would never forget the sight of the cuts on his arms and the way his voice cracked when he would threaten her. Even now that she was away from him and in the hospital, she wondered if he was safe.

The gears in his head began turning as the processed this information. "Really?" Roy asked carefully, looking up to study her serious face. "Huh…" He muttered, trying to keep himself from getting explosively angry again as he fought the urge to burn the man to a crisp.

"What?" She asked, raising an eyebrow as she picked up on his relatively calm tone. She could tell he was thinking hard about something.

He shrugged, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand gently as he thought out loud to himself. "Nothing… Just thinking… It would just be really unfortunate if he made good on those threats…"

—

Weeks went by and Riza's doctors and therapist had allowed her to return to work—much later than she would have liked, though. She found that her mood was better, and she did not feel she had to constantly look over her shoulder in case someone go to close to her. The burning feeling of tears in her eyes seemed to come out less, although it had not gone away altogether. She found her Colonel had become increasingly more protective of her, but she found it difficult to be bothered by it.

"Hey, Hawkeye." Havoc called out one day, turning his newspaper around to face her where he sat reading it at his desk. "Isn't this your boyfriend?" He asked, pointing to the front page article.

Riza blinked, taking the newspaper from him. She tensed slightly at the sight of his face. "Ah… Ex-boyfriend…" She corrected, "Yeah…"

"Aw, man. That's too bad." Havoc muttered. "Sorry about that."

Roy looked up from his desk, glancing over to Riza. "Something happen to Quinlan?" He asked curiously, wondering what Havoc was apologizing for.

"Apparently." She muttered, skimming over the article. "According to the paper he died. Self-Inflicted gunshot wound. Suspected suicide." She explained, bluntly.

Roy ran a hand through is hair, leaning back in his chair. "Wow. That's… too bad…" He muttered, before flashing her a knowing smile.

She folded the paper up and handed it back over the desk to Havoc. "Yeah… Too bad…" She glanced back over to him as well, returning the small smile.


End file.
